


miles to go before I sleep

by kisahawklin



Series: Supernatural Season 9 Tagathon [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: episodic_supernatural, Episode: s09e12 Sharp Teeth, Gen, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1189020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisahawklin/pseuds/kisahawklin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's thoughts as they head for home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	miles to go before I sleep

**Author's Note:**

> How awkward that car ride home must have been. Thought I was going to write Dean's POV but apparently Sam had something to say.

Sam's heart pounds as he shuts the door of the Impala, and he takes a second to steady himself before Dean gets in. He did it. He stood up to Dean and set his terms and gobsmacked as Dean was, he accepted them. 

He knows Dean's not done – he's going to be passive aggressive and just plain aggressive, and probably a dick for a while, but as long as Sam can stick to his guns, things can change between them, and that's really all he can hope for out of this relationship at this point. He loves Dean. He even likes him, sometimes. But he can't trust Dean anymore, and he's pretty sure Dean doesn't understand why. 

Dean gets in and Sam's almost positive he's going to try for the last word. He sits at the wheel for a long moment, trying to think of something to say, Sam knows. He's seen it a million times. Then he starts thinking too much – Sam can practically see the steam coming out of his ears – and then it becomes too much and the moment is lost. 

_Whew._

Sam's not one for showdowns with Dean, but showdowns in the car are the worst because Dean doesn't have to look Sam in the eye, and then he can say things he never would otherwise. Sam wonders why he never realized Dean is a coward when it comes to the important things. 

Dean turns the key and the Impala roars to life, a familiar and soothing sound. Dean gunning the engine is less soothing, but it's not like Sam wasn't expecting it. 

He waits for Dean to turn the music on, his distraction of choice when he can't handle living in his own brain, but he leaves it off. Sam stares out the window, letting the tension in the car pile up. 

He knows Dean's got a lot to say, but Sam already knows the lies Dean's telling himself. He knows the arguments Dean's having with himself about why what he did was the right thing. He knows he'll hear it all soon enough, when Dean's got his arguments down pat and feels like he needs to take another shot at convincing Sam (himself, really, but that's something Sam's never pointed out) that he's in the right. 

Sam just hopes he can keep his hard-won patience and not poke the obvious holes in Dean's arguments. He knows Dean's teetering on the edge of depression and he doesn't want to push, but he's not willing to let Dean get away with thinking what he did was right, either, because he doesn't want Dean to make the same choice when it comes down to it again. And that is the part of this that Sam knows Dean can't face. 

But he has, and he will. He's done it for Sam before, and Sam will help him do it again. Maybe then they go back to being brothers.

**Author's Note:**

> Podfic by colls [available here](http://episodic-supernatural.dreamwidth.org/36390.html).


End file.
